


Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

by gmariam



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 04:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1675169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say gentlemen prefer blondes, and Ianto just so happens to walk into the Hub one day looking quite different…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

Jack heard the alarms go off and glanced out into the Hub. He told himself he wasn't waiting, wasn't worried, wasn't going to get up…but he _was_  waiting, he  _was_  starting to worry, and he was  _definitely_ going to get up and see who had finally come in to work.

It was Gwen.

Apparently some sort of disappointment must have shown on his face, because she gave him a fake pout as she took off her coat. "Not who you were expecting, then?" she asked, and Jack shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Not really," he said. "You're actually the first one here."

"What?" She glanced at a nearby clock. "But it's after eight. Where's Ianto? Tosh?" She didn't ask about Owen because who knew when Owen would show up on a Monday.

"I don't know," said Jack. "It's not like them to be late."

"I'm sure they're both fine," Gwen said, offering a reassuring smile. "Have you called?"

"I'm trying not to," Jack admitted sheepishly. "But it's hard."

"Want me to ring him?" Gwen teased.

"No," said Jack, and he knew he probably looked as pathetic as he sounded. "I don't want to be that guy, you know, the one who—"

He was interrupted by the alarms going off again and couldn't help but turn eagerly toward the door, hoping to see a pinstripe suit and waistcoat walking up the stairs.

It was Tosh.

Holding back a sigh, Jack waved good morning before turning dejectedly back toward his office. Yet a gasp from Gwen had him whirling back to what his distracted brain hadn't quite registered when she'd first walked in: Tosh had red hair.

No, not red exactly, but a deep, rich auburn that just looked so…different. Unusual. Not-Tosh. But sort of sexy, he had to admit.

He was gaping and knew it when Tosh's hand flew to her hair. She smiled sheepishly. "Got a bit carried away last night, I know."

Gwen was staring as well, but shook herself out of it far quicker than Jack. "It's lovely, Tosh," she said, standing and coming forward. She reached out for Tosh's hair, then pulled her hand back as if afraid to touch the dramatic difference. "It's a big change for you. I like it."

"It's a mistake," Tosh murmured, and she pulled her hair all back in some sort of clip as if she could hide it. "And I hate it. Like I said, we got carried away."

"We?" asked Gwen, and Jack somehow knew what would happen next.

The alarms blared, and Ianto came through the door. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, saw them all staring at him, then turned and strode away as fast as he could, swearing under his breath.

"He's blond," Gwen whispered, giving Jack a wide-eyed look as they all followed Ianto's retreating back. "Ianto's a _blonde_."

His heart racing from the mere glimpse of Ianto's change in appearance, Jack didn't know what to say, other than to bellow, "Ianto!"

"Coffee first!" the Welshman shouted back. Jack and Gwen both turned to Tosh, who shrugged before turning toward her computer and starting her usual morning routine, head ducked down but a small smile tugging at her lips.

Jack motioned to Gwen to go back to her station and act normal. He leaned against Ianto's computer, waiting for him to return with the tray of coffee. It seemed to take an unusual amount of time, as if Ianto was reluctant to face them. Which, given his more reserved nature, was probably the case. And that made Jack all the more determined to have fun with him, even though he knew he'd likely pay for it later.

When Ianto finally appeared, he handed them their coffee without a word. Jack in turn said nothing, Tosh continued her computer work in silence, and Gwen failed at not giggling into her cup. Ianto gave her a glare that only Jack caught. He raised eyebrows curiously; Ianto returned it with an exaggerated roll of his eyes before turning to slink away, but Jack stopped him, ready to play.

"Ianto?" he called out in a sing-song voice, noticing but ignoring the stiff set of the other man's shoulders.

"Yes, sir?"

"What's going on?" he asked as innocently as possible.

"Don't know what you mean," Ianto replied, turning to face him with an equally innocent look.

Jack twirled a finger through his own brown hair in answer, to which Ianto offered a curt nod.

"Ah, that. Yes. I don't suppose you'd believe it was a mishap with alien tech?"

Gwen snorted into her coffee cup, earning another glare that she once again missed.

"Nope," said Jack, crossing his hands over his chest. "Looks a bit more mundane than aliens to me." Really, it was amazing, and Jack was already tired of talking about it; he wanted to run his fingers through it, to—

"Mundane?" repeated Ianto, his face indignant. "Hardly the word I'd use."

"Well, I could use something else, if you like, but it might not be—"

"Appropriate?" finished Ianto. "There's a surprise." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stand up more than usual. "It was a bit of a mistake."

"That's exactly what Tosh said," said Jack, grinning broadly. "But I love it."

"You do?" Ianto returned, sounding skeptical. Now Gwen was looking up, both her and Tosh watching the back and forth tennis volley with avid expressions.

"Oh, I do," said Jack softly. "Makes you look—"

Ianto coughed. "Jack."

' _Hot,'_ he mouthed, and was rewarded when Ianto blushed furiously. "So how did it happen?"

Ianto glanced at Tosh and motioned her to answer, as if he had finally given up and given in.

"There was wine," Tosh said reluctantly.

"How much wine?" asked Jack. He was enjoying this immensely, even though a small part of him was now niggling with envy. Why had Tosh and Ianto been drinking wine together? Ianto had said he was busy last night; if he had been with Tosh, why couldn't Jack have joined them in their over-enthusiastic alcoholic consumption and spa treatment gone wrong?

"A bottle?" Tosh suggested, clearly hedging around the truth.

"Or three," murmured Ianto. The disgraced look on his face was absolutely priceless.

Gwen burst out laughing. "Three bottles of wine? You're lucky you didn't end up with a tattoo."

Tosh and Ianto glanced at one another in panic, and Gwen's hands flew to her mouth. "Oh god, you didn't?"

"Of course not," said Ianto in that adorable way he had of stuttering something that wasn't quite true. "At least, not really."

"Not really?" asked Jack. "Either you got one or you didn't." He grinned again, once more imagining all sorts of inappropriate things and just wanting to drag Ianto out of there as fast as he could without seeming obvious in order to find them. Or maybe obvious didn't matter anymore, considering the thoughts he was having and the effect it was having on the way his trousers were fitting. "I think it'd be brilliant. Please tell me you got one on your—"

"Jack," Ianto interrupted again, sounding pained. "Don't even go there."

"It was just henna," said Tosh, obviously trying to rescue her friend. "I had a kit that I thought would be fun to try. It'll come out like the hair color."

"Too bad," muttered Jack. Gwen was still grinning like a cat.

"Let's see then," she said, sounding like a little kid anxiously waiting to open presents on Christmas morning. "Come on, show us!"

Tosh gave Ianto a look; he shook his head and started to walk away, but Jack literally grabbed him by the collar and dragged him back.

"Let's see," he repeated with a grin.

With a sigh, they set down their mugs and held out their hands, palms covered with intricate designs in burnt orange; Ianto's even ran up around his wrists. Jack felt his pulse start to race even more; it was beyond sexy, it was incredibly erotic. First the hair, then this; maybe there was more. Oh god, if only there was more…

"I don't suppose you got anything pierced?" he asked innocently, hoping he didn't sound as excited about the prospect as he felt.

"Oh god, no," said Ianto, closing his eyes. They suddenly flew open. "Did we?"

"No, maybe another time," murmured Tosh, smiling at him. Ianto shook his head in relief as Jack placed a hand on her shoulder.

"That's the spirit," he said with a wink. "Except we'll make it a team outing next time."

"Yes," agreed Gwen. "Sounds like we missed all the fun."

The alarms went off, and Owen walked in, giving Ianto the opportunity to escape. "What fun?" he asked, then stopped as he watched Ianto hurry away. "What the hell happened to him?"

"He had fun," said Jack.

"With wine," added Gwen.

Owen stared at Ianto's retreating back and then at Jack. "Let me guess—it was one of your little games, right?" he said, sounding slightly disgusted. Tosh looked up in surprise, but Owen didn't notice.

Ianto must have heard, though, because he stopped, turned, and actually winked at Jack. Jack let his eyes widen as Ianto slipped away again. He shook his head at Owen. "No, it wasn't me." A pause. "This time."

Owen snorted. "This time. Yeah, right. That's what you said when you two—"

"It was me," said Tosh, and Gwen burst out laughing again. Now it was Tosh who sent the dirty look her way, and Gwen stopped immediately.

Owen turned toward Tosh and finally realized what was going on. His mouth literally fell open and moved soundlessly a few times before words actually came out. "Tosh?" he finally squeaked, because that was the only way to describe the sound. "You're a ginger!"

She self-consciously tucked a loose strand behind her ear. "Yep. Bit much for me, but…" She shrugged.

"Well, I think…I like…it's nice," Owen finally managed, and his smile was genuine if still a bit stunned. Jack was fairly sure Tosh was blushing as she smiled back.

"Thank you, Owen."

"You're welcome," he said, still eyeing her. "Tea boy, on the other hand…" He trailed off. "How'd you two end up coloring your hair anyway?"

"Too much wine," Tosh confessed with a shrug. "It'll wash out in a month or so."

"Oh," said Owen. "Well, that's good, because Ianto looks like he belongs in a boy band. I like yours though. You should think about keeping it."

Jack and Gwen exchanged startled glances; when had Owen ever complimented Tosh on anything but her work? Maybe he had a ginger fetish. Which reminded Jack that Ianto had left, heading up to the tourist office, probably to avoid the team's teasing. But Jack wasn't interested in teasing, he was interested in something else.

"Ianto forgot his coffee," he said, grabbing Ianto's mug and leaving the others to their own. "I'm going to take it to him, make sure he's not too embarrassed."

Owen snorted. "Right. See you in an hour, then, Captain."

"Or maybe two, if I'm lucky." Jack winked. He hurried up the stairs and came out in the tourist office. Ianto was sitting at the computer, rubbing his hands across his face. Looking closely, Jack saw that he was probably hungover on top of humiliated, and he hid another grin as he held out the coffee mug.

"You look like you need this," he offered, then took a sip of his own as he leaned against the counter. Ianto closed his eyes, inhaled the coffee, and took a long, slow sip. He seemed to actually relax as the warm drink and accompanying caffeine worked its way through his system. Finally he opened his eyes and gave Jack a very self-deprecating grin.

"Ridiculous, isn't it?" he asked, shaking his head.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," said Jack, setting down his mug. "But what really happened? How in the world did you put down three bottles of wine with Tosh and end up looking like some sort of rent boy?"

"No idea," Ianto shrugged, completely ignoring the rent boy comment, which was too bad, because there were lots of places to go with that one. "We just had dinner plans, that was it. I made lasagna, and she brought a bottle of chianti. We forgot dessert, so when we were finished we walked to the nearest Tescos and picked up some ice cream and more wine, which was when she saw that haircolor was on sale." He closed his eyes and laughed again, surprisingly open and relaxed about it all now that they were alone, when Jack would have expected him to still be embarrassed. "Not my best moment, that's for sure."

"Sounds like fun," Jack said, sounding wistful. Why didn't he and Ianto do things like that? They'd had a few dates, Jack making good on his offer to take Ianto to dinner and a movie, but Jack had never had dinner at Ianto's place. He'd slept there, yes, but that was only after a late movie or an even later night of weevil hunting. There was something so different about sharing a meal at home that Jack craved, as opposed to the nice yet impersonal restaurants where Ianto was still shy about being seen together, and especially of being intimate.

"I can make a mean curry," Jack said, trying to sound innocent and knowing he was failing, but what the hell? Ianto's hair and those gorgeous hands were distracting him, and he not only wanted to take Ianto into the back office behind the beaded curtain and shag him senseless, but he wanted to cook and drink and spend the night doing whatever it was that Tosh and Ianto did when they were together.

It was a startling realization in the midst of rather strange circumstances.

Ianto gave him a sideways look with a raise of the eyebrow. "Really?" he asked, sounding skeptical but interested.

"I can," said Jack, nodding. "And it doesn't even involve calling for take away."

Ianto laughed through his nose and sipped at his coffee, and Jack took the opportunity to step behind the counter and move closer. "I'll believe that when I see it," Ianto murmured, as if he knew exactly what Jack was trying to do now.

"I can show you," Jack offered, and Ianto nodded.

"All right. When?"

"How about this weekend?" Jack asked, taking another step closer and pulling Ianto's free hand into his. He traced the intricate designs winding around the man's callused palm and felt his pulse increase once more.

"I suppose you'll need my…kitchen," said Ianto, staring into Jack's eyes, his pupils wide and a half smile teasing at his lips. Jack grinned at the implication in Ianto's words.

"That would be perfect. Will these be gone by then?" He held Ianto's hand to his lips and kissed it; Ianto just watched, setting down his coffee mug.

"No, they'll probably last a few weeks. Same with this, depending on how hard I try to wash it out." He rolled his eyes toward the top of his head, and Jack took his other hand and finally ran it through the beautiful dark blond hair, spikier than normal in a way that Jack was finding incredibly erotic again.

"Don't try too hard," he whispered. "Because it really is hot." His lips were close to Ianto's, but they weren't ready, not yet. "Why blonde?" he asked curiously.

"Not my choice," said Ianto, and now his own hands were twiddling with the buttons of Jack's shirt, never undoing, only teasing. He ran a finger up and down Jack's braces. "Tosh picked it out."

"I see," said Jack, even though he didn't. They were so close that the heat between them was almost unbearable, yet Jack found the teasing to be an even bigger turn on than usual, so he was not about to stop. "And I am so, so grateful."

"For the hair color?" asked Ianto. One hand reached around Jack and started drawing lazy circles on Jack's back as Ianto drew them flush against one another. "How so?"

Jack leaned in close, right next to Ianto's ear. "Because now you look like James Bond."

Ianto sucked in a breath, eyes going wide for the briefest of seconds before his face suddenly morphed into an evil smile, almost bordering on filthy smirk. He grabbed Jack's right hand by the wrist and twisted it around behind him, pushing Jack against the counter and leaning over him.

"Want to make my day then?" he whispered, his voice low and hoarse next to Jack's ear. He kissed and sucked and nibbled on Jack's earlobe to punctuate his question.

"Wrong movie," Jack said, almost groaning it out, "but god, yes." Ianto released him so that Jack could turn and claim his mouth, lips and tongues and teeth crashing together as Jack ran his hand though that oh-so-amazing hair. Ianto turned him around again and began to push Jack toward the back office.

"I think you should try a new look too," Ianto breathed as they stumbled through the beaded curtains. "Something dark and mysterious."

Jack pulled away and gave him an eyebrow. "But I am dark and mysterious," he said.

"To some people," Ianto replied. There was not much room in the back office—it was mostly storage, with a single chair that Ianto steered Jack toward. "But if you like mine, I think it's only fair that I get something in exchange."

"I could be talked into it," Jack murmured in between kisses as Ianto straddled him. He pushed off Ianto's suit coat and began working at the striped tie.

"Tosh picked up another box," Ianto whispered in his ear, trailing kisses down Jack's neck as he slipped Jack's braces down. "She thought you might want to play."

"Tell her thank you," Jack said, idly wondering just how dark and mysterious Ianto wanted him. "She was exactly right."

"And she picked this one for me," Ianto continued, his hands continuing downward toward the front of Jack's trousers,"because she said gentlemen prefer blondes."

"I'm not a gentleman," murmured Jack. All thoughts of Tosh and Ianto sharing dinner and wine and having a bit too much fun were lost to the thought of him and Ianto, sharing dinner and wine and …well, having fun in a much different, and not particularly gentle, way.

"And I'm not really a blonde," said Ianto, then sat back and gave Jack a positively wicked grin. "So we'll just have to use our imaginations, won't we?"

"With that hair and those hands—I can imagine quite a bit," Jack replied, and he pulled Ianto down into a long, feverish kiss, the verbal foreplay driving him mad in a delirious way. It wasn't dirty talk, and it wasn't even the accent this time, but for some reason, little exchanges like this with Ianto—albeit half undressed—could sometimes drive him more crazy than a slow striptease with whip cream and a cherry at the end.

"I say we take this somewhere more conducive to the desired outcome."

"Which is what?" asked Jack. Ianto whispered something deliciously filthy in his ear, and Jack felt his groin begin to ache.

"You're not a gentleman either," Jack whispered back.

"I never said I was."

"And here I thought you were, once."

Ianto stood and straightened his tie, though he left his jacket behind. "It's the hair. Coming?"

"Oh yes," said Jack. "Several times, I hope."

Needless to say, they didn't make it out of the tourist office after that.

Several days later, Jack admired his new look in the mirror, thinking he rather liked dark and mysterious. He wondered what very ungentlemanly things he might get up to with Ianto that night, if not as soon as he arrived. They both had a hell of an imagination, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Who says it was all gloom and doom for Jack and Ianto? Or randy rabbit sex? Maybe now and then there was actually a moment of rare, real life levity in the Hub. So no apologies. Blame the box of Natural Instincts I picked up before I wrote this if you must. Blame (and many thanks!) to Cerih for the 'gentlemen prefer blondes' bit. And use your imagination for the rest of the tale. ;)


End file.
